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Love Busters: Protecting Your Marriage from Habits That Destroy Romantic Love Hardcover – May 1, 2008

by Willard F. Jr. Harley (Author)
4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 220 ratings
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How spouses treat each other has a tremendous bearing on the success and failure of marriage. In this completely updated and revised edition of Love Busters, Willard F. Harley, Jr., helps couples identify and overcome the most common habits that destroy the feeling of love, including selfish demands, disrespectful judgments, angry outbursts, dishonesty, annoying habits, and thoughtless behavior. Harley also explains how to resolve common marital conflicts such as career choices and financial planning.
You can't eliminate conflict altogether, but once these Love Busters are eliminated, conflicts can be resolved with love and grace. With Harley's expert guidance, couples will be able to avoid those behaviors that tear a marriage apart and focus instead on building their love for each other. This companion to His Needs, Her Needs and Fall in Love, Stay in Love is perfect for pastors, counselors, and couples.
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Previous page
  1. Print length
    320 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Revell
  4. Publication date
    May 1, 2008
  5. Dimensions
    6.5 x 1.25 x 9.75 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0800718941
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0800718947
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

Is the honeymoon over?

Are you losing the love you once felt for each other? According to Dr. Harley, "After couples get married, they usually develop habits that destroy their love for each other. I call those destructive habits Love Busters. And as long as Love Busters are tolerated, love doesn't have a chance."

With this insightful book, you and your spouse can learn to avoid the six most common Love Busters that may have gained a foothold in your marriage:

• Selfish demands
• Disrespectful judgments
• Angry outbursts
• Dishonesty
• Annoying habits
• Independent behavior

Once you throw out these habits, your love for each other can be restored and your conflicts more easily resolved.|Willard F. Harley, Jr., is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, marriage counselor, and the bestselling author of His Needs, Her Needs. His popular website, www.marriagebuilders.com, offers practical solutions to almost any marital problem. Dr. Harley and his wife, Joyce, host a three-hour daily radio call-in show, Marriage Builders Radio, and they lead Marriage Builders Weekends in cities across the country.

From the Back Cover

Are you losing the "chemistry" you once had?
Is sex becoming a burden?
Do you bring out the worst in each other?
Are you arguing a lot more lately?
Are you growing apart?

Then you need Love Busters. Marriage expert Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the six Love Busters that pull marriages apart and shows how you and your spouse can learn to avoid them.

You will see that once Love Busters are eliminated, conflicts over friends and relatives, career choices and time management, financial planning, children, or sex will be much easier to resolve.

The strength of your marriage depends on the passion you share for each other. So stop destroying the feeling of love and discover, instead, how to build your love with care and with time.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Revell; Revised, Expanded edition (May 1, 2008)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 320 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0800718941
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0800718947
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.24 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.5 x 1.25 x 9.75 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 220 ratings

About the author

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Willard F. Harley

Willard F. Harley

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Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, a marriage counselor, and the bestselling author of numerous books, including His Needs, Her Needs; Five Steps to Romantic Love; Surviving an Affair; Draw Close; and He Wins, She Wins. Harley's much-loved book, His Needs, Her Needs, is also available with a video curriculum for churches and small groups. His popular website, www.marriagebuilders.com, offers practical solutions to almost any marital problem.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
220 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

lovetakingpictures
5.0 out of 5 stars LOVE THIS BOOK!!!!!!
Reviewed in the United States on November 30, 2012
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This is one of the most amazing books I have ever read!!!! I feel like it was written just for my husband and myself about our marriage. It explains things so easily and anyone can understand it. I have been married for 34 years and have been verbally and emotionally abused for a good portion of this time. I have tried many times to convey this to my husband, but have always been unsuccessful. When I was to the point that our marriage was doomed for failure I purchased this book and have been unable to put it down. My husband is also reading it, which is an especially good plus!!!! We had hit rock bottom and are trying to pull ourselves back up. I love Willard Harley and his expertise....its like he has been looking at our marriage and he is telling us how to fix it. I will read and reread this book many times and recommend it to all the married couples I know. I only wish my husband and I could meet with him in person, but I am hoping this book will work just as well.

Thank you so much Willard Harley for such a great book and also for your website Marriage Builder's that got me moving in the right direction, and also for helping me to see that my way of thinking wasn't all wrong after all. And thank you for restoring hope to our marriage.
16 people found this helpful
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ElChangoPelon
5.0 out of 5 stars most practical marriage book I've read
Reviewed in the United States on March 20, 2014
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Review per wife: This book gives specific and clear descriptions of the true needs in marriage, how we most commonly undermine our spouse's happiness, and most importantly, what we can do to ensure our spouse's and our own happiness in marriage. This book and "His Needs, Her Needs" are the most helpful books I've read up to now about marriage. I love books about relationships and have read "Hold Me Tight", "The 5 Love Languages", "The proper care and feeding of husbands" "The 7 habits of highly effective marriages", among others, which all have useful advice, but this series by Dr. Harley is the most user-friendly, the most explicit about what each partner can do in almost every type of marriage and in every situation in marriage to heal, grow and fall in love again, even if you've lost your love completely. I've always wondered why my husband and I didn't see eye to eye on some things and why I felt hurt about some of the habits we had formed that wouldn't have bothered/hurt me in any other of my friend/family relationships. This book gave me the education about the details I was missing that I haven't been successful at discovering on my own. It was truly an enlightening, educational, and incredibly insightful read.
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SimiValleyJean
5.0 out of 5 stars Repairing my marriage
Reviewed in the United States on September 17, 2019
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After too many years of unhappy marriage we have found Willard Harley's great books. "His Needs, Her Needs" describes perfectly where we went wrong and gives me hope that love can be rekindled. "Love Busters" is a valuable addition to instruct skills in negotiation and eliminate habits that wear away at a loving relationship. I also got the "5 Steps to Romantic Love" workbook which is a supplement to the other two books. At last I am optimistic that my relationship can be repaired. I highly recommend these books to ANY relationship to prevent going off the path and to enhance an already good relationship.
One person found this helpful
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Kimberly Berkenbile
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book!
Reviewed in the United States on June 15, 2023
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I really like this book! I feel like a lot of manage books talk about the positive things to include but don’t mention things that withdrawal love. These address both and I think that’s super important! Great book!
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Caljets
4.0 out of 5 stars Good book, easy to read and understand
Reviewed in the United States on May 18, 2020
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It helped me organize and put into words what I had been experiencing.
One person found this helpful
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Christmas Carol
5.0 out of 5 stars Simply the Best
Reviewed in the United States on October 21, 2015
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The best marriage book I have read yet - BY FAR. How to create compatibility - yes, any couple can do it! How to make a blended family work - yes, it can be done! How to bring back romantic love when you've grown apart.....or.....even if you're on the brink of divorce. How to do the right things (fill the love bank) and avoid doing the wrong things (depleting the love bank) - these are both very important. How to negotiate an enthusiastic, win-win agreement in a safe and respectful way. If your marriage needs more "oneness," this book is your answer.

Please keep in mind that the author acknowledges his techniques only work if both parties are invested in the marriage and have good will towards each other. This is not the book for you if you feel your marriage is abusive, or crazy, or you walk on eggshells, or something just isn't right but you can't put your finger on it. If that's what your relationship sounds like, check out "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft, or "Psychopath Free" by Jackson MacKenzie, or one of Patricia Evans' books. Those are the best that I have found on the frustrating "roller coaster" relationships that wear you out and make your head spin.
11 people found this helpful
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Jamsval
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book to rebuild your love for each other.
Reviewed in the United States on January 12, 2016
Verified Purchase
Many believe that as the years pass people grow apart. That's all wrong. I understand why some might say the advice in this book is obvious especially to newlyweds. What they don't realize is that couples that have been together for a decade or longer forget that even a tiny amount of dishonesty (Lies told to avoid hurting someones feelings for example) can build up a huge wall that seems impossible to overcome. Years cause changes in priorities and you forget to put each other first due to kids, finances and other distractions. We have to re-learn what it was that made us fall in love and rebuild that long lost relationship.

If you embrace the steps and are truly willing to make some scary, sometimes traumatic, changes then you will succeed. Both spouses need to read this to work. At first it seemed hopeless. Within 4-6 weeks we worked through the bumps in the road of negotiations and started falling in love again. We went from seriously considering breaking it off to finally getting things on a happy track.
4 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Martin B.
5.0 out of 5 stars for those whose realtionship is in trouble
Reviewed in Germany on December 16, 2014
Verified Purchase
if you or your spouse are not content with your marriage, it is a good idea to read this book - together - and find a way back to the romantic love you once were in
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H. Old
5.0 out of 5 stars Something to aim for!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 14, 2013
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I wish I'd read this book as a young adult as it contains so much common sense which I don't seem to have acquired on my own! I like the book because it is written in a very easy to read and logical way. It describes the six 'love busters' that people engage in which hurt and damage those around them whom they love - I suppose I knew of them beforehand but had never given them a title or name. The book gives a clear structure to things that I think we know already but it's the way it structures these thoughts that makes the book so useful. I was immediately able to identify the love busters that I have been engaged in as well as those committed by those I am close to. I don't think it's an easy task at all to eliminate them from your relationship but I do feel that it is something that we can certainly all work towards and aim to do. I found that once I started to behave differently and try to avoid the first three love busters, my relationship improved - so much so that my partner has now agreed to read through the book together (something he would never have done before). I am not someone who has ever tried to deliberately seek win-win solutions to disagreements and it's a new process for me! I think the author has another book on the art of negotiation coming out in autumn 2013. I can't wait to read it!
2 people found this helpful
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Craven Vic
5.0 out of 5 stars Defeat a Common and Dangerous Sequence
Reviewed in Canada on June 23, 2010
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I've read many good books on abuse, written with both the male and female abusee in mind, I would further strongly recommend those by Beverly Engel. Another great author, John Gottman, elaborates on a calamitous sequence by bringing into play his Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. WF Harley, Jr. shows a clear, yet simple way of arresting these marriage killers. He explains how to stop the progession of the early stages bebore they get out of control. Again, I was taken by the simple and clear instructions he'd have a a couple follow that they might, indeed, have a rewarding relationship.
2 people found this helpful
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Brandie Kenna
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book, very practical
Reviewed in Australia on April 9, 2015
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Great book, very practical. My husband and I both read it but were only able to last a week as we were too far gone. Read it at the beginning of your marriage and every year from therein in to remind yourselves to deal with the small issues before they become to big or too many to overcome.
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Jennifer
5.0 out of 5 stars This is an excellent book for improving relationships
Reviewed in Canada on February 17, 2016
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This is an excellent book for improving relationships. I have read quite a few books on this topic and this has the most practical, useful guidance of any of them. Start with this book.
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