[UPDATED] Hamptons Police Department Acquires New Luxury Undercover Police Fleet

[UPDATE: Everything below this update comes from a satirical article, one of many Dan’s Papers has published in its over five decades of publishing.

Thanks to prompting by the B&B, I asked the East Hampton Town Police Department via Facebook about the article. This was what they said, for those who can’t see the new photo above:

Hoax. 2% Tax cap on municipalities, we have a very tight budget. Any time you see “hamptons” police, it’s a hoax…. All the police agencies are East Hampton Town, East Hampton Village, Southampton Town, etc….there is no Hamptons police. Dan’s is famous for their farce pieces. Sorry.

I hate that I was fooled by this, and apologize for reporting it as news in the first place.

P.S. To the staff at Dan’s Papers: I did a better job of fooling people than you, and I did it without trying – CA].

Though not planned to be as flashy and in-your-face as the oil states do it, the Hamptons Police Department now has its own fleet of luxury police cars.

HPD’s first 10 vehicles — all slated for undercover duty — were delivered Wednesday, Dan’s Papers says, totalling $1.3 million for the trouble. Spokesman Larry Hirsch explains the need for the luxury fleet:

When 75 percent of all of the vehicles on local roads are Range Rovers, Maseratis and Porsches, our unmarked Crown Vics stuck out like sore thumbs. In recent years our undercover officers’ activities have been severely compromised — everyone can tell they’re cops from the cars they drive!

To better blend in, Hirsch says the fleet includes “a pair of very high-powered Porsches, an Aston-Martin, a nice variety of BMWs, a Maybach and a couple of luxury SUVs.”

At least 20 more luxury vehicles are expected join in the coming months, with plans in the offing for a sub-fleet of vintage Rolls-Royce and Austin-Healey models to help patrol the mean streets of the Hamptons in secret.