Freaky Friday: Bosom Photography Breeds Danger and the Buick Verano is a Drag

Danger, nudity, drugs and the long arm of the law. You’re not safe from any of those things while on the road. There’s Buicks out there, too.

In this edition of Freaky Friday, a young lady discovers that some things are best left to the intimate and discreet confines of one’s own home (or an airport bathroom), a crack aficionado wants everyone to know his favorite pastime, Portland residents are walking caricatures, and a Buick Verano returns excellent fuel economy on a 16-mile journey.

Gasoline and topless selfies don’t mix

Please, if you’re going to send photos of nude body parts via social media, do so after you pull the car over.

A 19-year-old Texas A&M University student recently learned that lesson after slamming into the back of a police cruiser while her top was down. She wasn’t driving a convertible.

According to Reuters, the shaken-up officer approached Miranda Rader’s vehicle and noticed her struggling to put her blouse on. An open bottle of wine reportedly sat in the cup holder next to her.

“I asked her why she was not dressed while driving and she stated she was taking a Snapchat photo to send to her boyfriend while she was at a red light,” the officer wrote in an affidavit.

Rader was busted for suspicion of driving while intoxicated. There’s no word on whether the Snapchat photo included a rapidly expanding airbag.

Detroit man gives cops a break, makes the whole thing too easy

A high-speed chase in Metro Detroit this morning ended when the male suspect bolted from his 2002 Mercedes-Benz, but he didn’t just leave a few bread crumbs for the pursuing officers. This guy left the whole loaf.

According to the Detroit Free Press, the pursuit started in Redford Township at 1 a.m. after police spotted the suspect’s vehicle wearing blank plates. The pursuit wasn’t long-lived, as the suspect ran off into a neighborhood after a few minutes of evasive maneuvers. Tracking him down and laying a charge might not require the help of Colombo.

“Fortunately, he was nice enough to leave his identification card and crack cocaine in the center console of the vehicle,” the force stated, wryly, in a news release.

While we can’t condone the trafficking of hard drugs, it should be known, this is what cargo shorts are for, people.

The spirit of cringing niceness is alive in Portland

This is the story of three ladies.

One lady owns a Subaru. Old and red, it is. The second lady owns a very similar model. The third seems to be a taken-for-granted individual who does nice things for other people when they ask, even though she probably resents it.

The first lady sent the third lady, with car key in hand, to pick up her Subaru from another neighborhood. Presumably, she parked it outside some hemp or quinoa outfit, maybe there were bikes involved, who knows.

As Oregon Live reports (h/t to Jalopnik), the second lady, Erin Hatzi, soon noticed her red Subaru Impreza missing. After uploading her security camera footage, she noticed a very nonchalant car thief making off with the vehicle so suited for life in Oregon. The hunt was on. You don’t just make off with someone’s quino- erm, Subaru in Portland.

Well gosh, wouldn’t you know it — it was the wrong damn Subaru that Lady No. 3 picked up. (We’re sure you’ve come to this conclusion by now). It turns out that ignition keys are interchangeable in many old Subarus. So, like the plot of almost all 172 episodes of Three’s Company, it was all just a big misunderstanding.

Hatzi found her stolen Subaru back at home the next day, sporting an apologetic note and $30 to compensate for the gas used the previous night.

Life then returned to normal on the avenues and byways of Portland, Oregon.

Fast Times in Tongren, China: Buick Verano Edition

The Buick Verano can’t catch a break. First, General Motors kills off the model in North America, then Chinese truck drivers try to abscond with overseas variants.

Five passengers of one Verano were attempting to enjoy the serene sights of Guizhou Province when the vehicle impacted the rear of a transport truck. Perhaps those sights were a little distracting.

According to UPI, the impact was so light, the truck driver didn’t notice anything amiss. He took off from a routine stop, dragging the Verano and the five much-less-serene passengers behind it. For 16 miles.

When both vehicles finally came to rest in a tunnel, the Verano had saved on gas and was significantly lighter, as four passengers jumped out earlier in the journey. No one was seriously injured in the incident, though the Verano has seen better days.

[Images: Ford Motor Company; Kat Rowland/ Flickr ( CC BY-NC 2.0); General Motors]