Jeremy Clarkson Suspended From "Top Gear"

Following an unspecified “fracas”, the British Broadcasting Corporation has suspended Top Gear star Jeremy Clarkson and canceled this Sunday’s episode of the show. Mr. Clarkson, an actor and personality who portrays a car enthusiast on Top Gear along with two other actors who couldn’t hold up the ass end of a regional SCCA autocross if they had a GT-R Nismo and an extra day to practice the course, has a history of controversial statements, one of which may have led to this suspension.

The Minitrue report on Clarkson’s dismissal makes reference to a warning he received concerning “racist statements”. Those TTAC readers who are currently wearing an “I Can’t Breathe” shirt in the basements of their parents’ gated-community homes should be aware that “racist statement” means something different in the UK than it means in the US. Here in America, “racist statement” is a term used to refer to the kind of stuff that white kids at Oberlin do because all the actual racists in the area died of old age around the time that Gerald Ford fell down a set of airplane exit stairs.

In the UK, “racist statement” means “anything that doesn’t meet the principles of IngSoc”, up to and including having the temerity to rev the engine of your Lotus Esprit at a stoplight in the approximate presence of a Muslim immigrant. So it’s in no way plain that Clarkson called for the restoration of slavery or disrespected Haile Selassie I or anything like that. He might have revved an engine or looked in a certain direction or something like that. We’ll keep you posted on this critical story, with the reassurance that Mr. Clarkson will continue to be very tall, very wealthy, and absolutely unfit to advise you on your next automobile purchase.