ISIS Branches Out Into Car Dealerships; Read the Fine Print Carefully

We’ve all dealt with a car salesman who wanted us to sign our life away on an overpriced import, but there’s a good chance that’s literally happening in Iraq right now.

Reuters reports that Islamic State fighters have taken to running car dealerships as a way of making money, now that allied airstrikes have cut off much of their oil-generated income.

Not long ago, the group claimed an (estimated) annual income of $2.9 billion from their seized oil fields and related gasoline-selling operations, but bombs aimed at the group’s financial infrastructure put the kibosh on their prosperity.

Revenues are down by a third, and fighters that planned to live the high life while butchering people are now bummed over their pay cut.

So, the bloodthirsty group than shuns diversity has been forced to diversify the business side of their operation, taking over car dealerships and state-run factories to generate some cash. We can only imagine what that dealer experience is like.

“You want to terminate a lease? I’ll terminate YOU!”

Money generated from vehicle sales flows to the group’s finance ministry in the northern Iraq city of Mosul (the site of a looming allied offensive), where it’s then distributed to fighters in ISIS-controlled territory.

If the salesman life is too stressful, ISIS has another fallback operation: fishing.

People need fish, right? If you can help it, never buy a fish — or a car — from ISIS. Can’t be trusted.

If you’re looking to get a sense of your average ISIS fighter’s sales prowess (“Undercoating ISN’T optional! Did you hear me!?”), check out this helmet cam video of clumsy ISIS fighters hitting each other with hot spent shell casings and burning each other with RPG exhaust.

Now picture that at the Mosul Pre-Owned Emporium.

[Image: Martin Kleppe/ Flickr ( CC BY-NC 2.0)]