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Tell, Ask, Listen: The 3 Steps To Great Communication As A Leader

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In my research on what defines a great leader, I’ve found that the ability to communicate powerfully and prolifically is an essential skill for success. However, most people assume this skill primarily involves talking. A leader can use words to motivate or sway people to act. But true communication involves much more than one person speaking powerfully. As author George Bernard Shaw said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

When people think about improving their communication skills, their knee-jerk solution is to talk to people more often, send more messages and provide more information.  In other words, they believe the solution to better communication is to do more telling. While it is true that telling is an important aspect of communication, great leaders have learned what good marriage partners understand well: when your spouse says, “We need to talk,” they typically do not want you to do the majority of the talking.

In addition to speaking fluently and frequently, the most effective communicators are equally good at asking the right questions and listening.  To understand the impact of these three skills (telling, asking, and listening), we look at data from 2,867 leaders who were assessed by their managers, peers, direct reports and others on their effectiveness at communicating powerfully, asking effective questions, and listening well. We wanted to understand which skill, by itself, would have the greatest impact on a leader’s perception as an extraordinary leader (e.g., at the top 10% of leaders overall).

In this study, we looked at leaders who were at the 75th percentile on each of the skills individually and below the 75th percentile on the other two behaviors. Our intention was to understand the impact of that skill alone without the other two behaviors. We then determined the percentage of extraordinary leaders (those who were rated at the 90th percentile overall on their leadership effectiveness). The table below shows the results.

Communication Skill % rated as Extraordinary Leaders*
Tell .5%
Asks 3%
Listens 0%

* “Extraordinary Leader” is defined by being at the top 90th percentile of all leaders assessed.

As you can tell, none of the behaviors by themselves were very influential in a person being rated as an extraordinary leader. But we then looked at leaders who were at the 75th percentile or higher on the three of these behaviors combined.

Communication Skill % rated as Extraordinary Leaders
Tell + Asks + Listens 88

The results were surprisingly significant. 88% of extraordinary leaders did all three of these things well.

Yes, great communicators give compelling speeches, but they also ask pointed questions to ensure others understand their messages. They also listen carefully, for what is said and what is not said in an interaction. In a nutshell, doing any one of the behaviors well yields very little, but combining these three skills makes a powerful impact. So the next time you receive the feedback that you need to improve your communications, don’t assume that others merely want to hear you talk more. Perhaps you can start by asking a question like, “What information would be most helpful?”Combining these three behaviors can elevate your effectiveness as a leader from “good enough” to extraordinary or even to great.

 

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