I was standing in line for coffee at Starbucks one day when a client walked in, gave me a hug and said, “Wow, that was so strange. I was driving here and thinking about problems at work. All of a sudden I was at the freeway exit and realized I couldn’t remember the last 10 minutes I had been driving here.” We got our coffees and sat down but, during the coaching session, my client’s mind seemed to be stuck on work and she had a tough time focusing on our conversation.
Later that day, I received emails from several readers asking for advice on how to handle difficult coworkers. One reader requested ways to deal with an insensitive cubicle neighbor. Another person wrote about being frustrated with a colleague who never listened and would interrupt her mid-sentence. Yet another reader bemoaned working for his boss, who was a micromanager and forced her way into the minute details of all her employees’ jobs. That night at dinner, a friend shared her frustration of working for a manager whose attitude was “my way or the highway” and who rarely listened to the feedback or ideas of his employees.
This got me thinking about how easily humans can fall "out of tune" with each other, because we often have so many other things we’re thinking about and that are going on in our lives. But something about that thought kept niggling at the back of my mind. Even though we’re all very busy, why is it that some people seem to be so much more attentive to everything going on around them? I kept asking myself.
For example, I have a close friend who always seems to be highly sensitive to the current situation and to the thoughts and feelings of those around her. You know the type of person I mean, someone who will take your hand into theirs or place his or her hand on your shoulder when you’re feeling frustrated and say something like, “You look upset. Talk to me. What’s going on?”
The answer finally dawned on me a few weeks later when we were listening to the symphony. We had arrived early and the musicians were still warming up and tuning their instruments as we took our seats. When the artists stopped practicing, a hush fell over the crowd. Then the conductor stepped onto the podium, raised his baton…and the music flowed beautifully from the orchestra; everyone was in sync. How did they manage to do this? Because each musician had purposefully tuned his or her instrument to be in harmony with those around them.
When I asked my friend (the one who always seems sensitive to everything around her) how she is able to do this, her answer surprised me. She said she hadn’t always been like that and confessed to having been a serial multi-tasker, always trying to do more than one thing at a time. But then one day, she didn’t hear something her son had been trying to tell her, and she ended up missing an important sports event. That’s when she decided she needed to stop multi-tasking and put more effort into one-on-one communication throughout the day. Once she focused on this, she found herself accomplishing more and even felt less stressed. And the most incredible part – she told me she actually enjoyed life more, because she was much more a part of everything going on around her.
Hmm… imagine the differences that might happen in your life and in your career if you treated yourself like the orchestra musicians and purposely ‘tuned in’ each day to the people and situations that are all around you. What would happen if you stopped multi-tasking and focused your mind on each individual situation throughout the day? On each person with whom you interacted? Who knows? The results might be amazing.
If you’re up for the challenge of trying to tune in to the people and situations around you, here are some questions to ask yourself each day:
- Am I present (paying attention to and focusing on the current situation)?
- Am I multi-tasking, or am I giving my full attention to the person in front of me?
- Am I aware of how my behavior and actions are positively or negatively affecting those around me?
- Am I truly listening to people? In other words, am I listening to understand, not listening to reply?
- Do I encourage feedback from others, even constructive feedback that might be difficult to hear?
- Managers: Am I sharing my business strategy and vision with my team? Do I give employees enough space to allow them to perform at their highest level?
- Managers: Am I proactively finding out from each employee how I can best support him or her?
Bottom Line: Being "in tune" with those around you isn’t just for musicians. But it takes purposeful effort to focus on each person and each situation throughout the day, avoid multi-tasking, and lead from the heart (from a place of compassion).
Lisa Quast, author of the book, Secrets of a Hiring Manager Turned Career Coach: A Foolproof Guide to Getting the Job You Want. Every Time. Join me on Twitter @careerwomaninc
